I see hearts breaking more often than I want to see, which is why I write my story to you. I pray for your hurting and grieving heart mama. I want you to know that I see you, and I am with you. I know what it feels like when everything seems to be taken from you. Your biggest and probably only wish, at one point, was simply to have a peaceful home and to feel loved by the person who once chose life with you. I wish I had every answer, or medicine to help ease the aching. Unfortunately, overcoming heartbreak is work, when “work” sounds least appetizing. I hope my experiences through healing helps you feel less alone, makes you laugh, and find peace knowing that everything will be okay.
BIG GIRLS “DO” CRY
Thankfully, the most natural remedy to a broken heart comes rather simply; cry it out. I cried a lot. I am a feeler and I feel all the feels. Someone once tried to persuade me that “crying is for the weak”, until I learned that it’s quite the opposite. Crying is for people who have a deep desire to heal from within. Crying says “I release myself from the pain that I have been holding onto for far too long”. I want you to understand that it is okay to cry, I would even go as far to say that it takes great courage to do so. I remember the first few weeks of moving into my new and quiet home (when my son was with his dad) pools of the ugly cry came to fruition; because sorry Fergie – Big Girls DO Cry. And one or two cries was not sufficient, I think I needed about 75 (haha). I will never forget one night though, as I was balling my eyes out, nose stuffed so badly I could hardly breathe, my mouth unattractively wide-open, saying “WHY GOD WHY?!?” (I can be quite the dramatic) and I quickly snapped out of it with a point of “Okay, this is enough”. Personally, I was exhausted and sort of annoying myself. Maybe your height of this was less dramatic, but either way, it becomes easier and you can breathe, sister, breathe in some hope for what is to come; even if it means total restoration, one day.
ACCEPT YOUR NEW REALITY
Once I became tired of attending my own sob party, I decided to take ownership in a new life that I was the author of creating. My new reality was single mom. A tough pill to swallow because I had a judgmental mindset upon couples with kids, who divorced or broke up. I used to think that they “gave up too easily”. Humbly, what I learned going through the process myself, was the true strength it takes to realize your worlds no longer serve one other, and to move onto new chapters separately. Furthermore, I believe this crude mindset rooted from resentment I subconsciously held onto from middle school, when MY parents divorced. Read that again for the people in the back. Welcoming my new reality was being okay with the inability to change things of the past. It was about coming from a place of grace and forgiveness upon myself, for mistakes made throughout the process. I needed to recognize that “moving on” didn’t mean “giving up”, it meant very simply, moving on. With that, I began to enjoy my new reality as a single mom because I have a kickass son, and fire in my heart for the future that God provides.
FEED YOUR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH
I began reflecting on things that I missed doing for myself, and if you follow along my blogs or Instagram @theunpublishedmom then you know, health and exercise is important to me on a physical and mental level. I believe that clean eating (not that I do it all the time) reframes our mind with clarity and focus. Working out also depletes my capability to think about problems and solutions on repeat, which is my mind 99.9% of the time. Additionally, I always feel accomplished. It goes without saying that exercise is good for us, so I encourage you to try different sources of it until you find one that works for you; and remember – you do not have to be in the gym for this.
Time to get real – I think we sometimes forget the power of prayer or don’t always know when we can use it. The good news is – you can pray for anything and everything; so follow along for some of my own. One of my first prayers was for healing; and then having grace upon me while going through the process. I will never forget the time I was upset and driving with all my belongings packed in the car, and I asked God “What are you doing?” And what I believe was His response to me, because I heard it clear as day within my heart, “Total Restoration”. From that moment forward, even though I had no idea what that would entail, I knew I could live in hope for my future. I believed it for every aspect of my life. And as a mother, I always prayed protection and love over my son because I never wanted him to feel otherwise throughout our new transition. Lastly, I prayed for my future husband (haha what?) If you know me, you are not the least bit surprised. I was detailed too – loyal, family-oriented, emotionally strong, tall, handsome etc, etc. (you know, the important things) LOL! My point is – don’t be afraid to pray for the desires on your heart sweet one, God already knows what they are, He just wants you to bring them to Him.
THE COOL THING ABOUT HEARTBREAK
I know, it’s a funky title but there has to be some good that comes out of heartbreak, right? You realize your strength as a result of the storms you walk through. And don’t get me wrong, because I never did it alone. My friends were there to make me laugh, mostly family to hear my cries, and Jesus to remind me that I am still loved. It can be scary to let go of the story you told yourself for many years, but you can overcome it, even with the fear you’re feeling. And I don’t encourage you to go out breakin’ hearts or leave your relationship because of bumps in the road. In fact, I believe couples should seek guidance together if there is a need and will. But that might not be your story, and that’s okay, too. Furthermore, God can bring you total restoration, sis – not just me. So trust the process, have mercy on yourself, and get excited about the future you’re about to walk into.
ONE LAST THING…
When there comes a time to love again; because that day will come – take a deep breathe, tell your heart to beat again, and love without fear.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
-1 Corinthians 13:13